Holistic Counselling and Healing
Ballyconnell
(iomlánaíoch comhairleoireacht)
Young Adults
Younger people may find the transition from childhood to adulthood extremely harrowing.
Young people may be afraid of addressing unsolved matters at home, or they have tried to address their concerns, only to have them casually dismissed. Disillusionment may set in, resignation can prevail and be wrongly interpreted by peers, parents and siblings - Communication breakdowns occur and a young person, formerly outgoing, may withdraw from regular routine. Alcohol and drugs seem to be an option but both often exacerbate the feelings of hopelessness and despair that a person may be going through. Depression is not uncommon in younger people..
Unrequited love can be extremely traumatic (lovesickness) and just because a person is young does not mean they are immune to pain.
Children and young people are often commended for their accomplishments only, leaving a big Questionmark about "being"and "purpose of/in Life" Questions. Children and young people are very aware of our environment and the adult attitude toward protecting or polluting our planet.
All young people need to find their own identity and their personal ambition may vary somewhat or a lot from parental ambition. This may lead to conflict and irrational behaviour on either side, which when not resolved, can be an added stress in a struggling family.
Self harming may become a means of tension release and may not even be noticed by family or friends....
Adults and Children with PAS -> Parental Alienation Syndrome are on the increase in todays short-term partnerships - resulting in shared conception but maybe not shared parenting. This results in a variety of emotions and loyalty issues which can manifest itself in low self esteem, destructive behaviour or substance abuse
Faith Q's
Migrant Issues
Migration is not a modern -day phenonemon. Throughout the ages people have migrated and immigrated in search of a better life for themselves and for their children. Arriving in a different climate, a different culture can be daunting and the language barrier can isolate individuals - or groups sharing the same origin. This can lead to isolation within the new community and misunderstandings are inevitable.
The move to a new culture can bring about an acute crisis - which, when not dealt with, can lead to a chronic crisis. Such pressure can lead to substance abuse and misinterpretation of symptoms such as headache, backache, vertigo, "stomach trouble". etc.
Disappointment can set in and anger can be vented through aggression within the family and hostile behaviour outside.
Migrants are open to exploitation of all kinds and often are soon trapped in a cycle of abuse by -and with the "exploiter!". Young migrant women are especially vulnerable and young men may cross their moral barriers to achieve some prosperity for the family. Migrants, once ensnared, are at the "mercy" of their exploiters.These exploiters can be otherwise "pillars of the community" and seemingly unimpeachable. Onlookers may refrain from what could appear as interfering (something known as the bystander effect)
Each of us can learn from the other and work toward strong solidarity with "newcomers". (blow-ins)
Closure
Its hard to uphold faith and trust in the Almighty when one is going through really tough patches, when nobody seems to notice or care. Child Abuse,as revealed by the "Ryan, Murphy and Cloyne Reports" impacted strongly on many and anger is an emotion many have experienced when coming up against the proverbial "brick wall". Where abuse is happening, victims are powerless and often enough the person who "guesses something" or knows more, is afraid of addressing the matter. Victims of abuse are powerless to resist or end the abuse and the very thought of resistence is laden with fear.
The cry of WHY ? or where is God now ? seems at times to remain unheard
In the face of adversity,people of all persuasions experience worry and Grief in much the same way. We all feel our fragility when the storms of life are raging - and its natural to question the purpose of suffering and want to express it.
Body soul and mind all need nourishment in order to stay healthy or restore balance. When one is neglected the others are also affected.
It is also very easy to condemn an entire institution when only some are the reason to be angry. Sometimes we need to re-evaluate our relationship with God and the church and this is often triggered by adverse events. A whole new understanding of the whys and wherefores can emerge out of that. Its amazing how reflecting on a piece of scripture or asking how a certain passage of the Bible relates to your own life can shine a light on unresolved issues.
"Before God we are all equally wise -- and equally foolish" Albert Einstein .
According to Wikipedia, Closure is the "state of experiencing an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event".
Very few have reached adulthood without experiencing life events that we would rather never happened. Most of these events, have helped us grow and mature. Some of what happened to us haunts us throughout life, The time might come however, when popular solutions fail to relieve the hurt, pain or anger we might be feeling from one or a multitude of life events. A lot of family issues have never been resolved and continue to smoulder and affect the family and all other relationships. Sibling rivalry and assumed rejection can narrow the avenues open to us and we fail to see the connection. Some havn't spoken to, perhaps a relative, in years after a quarrel that was never resolved and lack the courage to seek a reconciliation. The heat of the moment can cause us to say and do things that we may deeply regret later. Major life events like separation, divorce, becoming unemployed, severe illness, death of a loved one, a regretted abortion or even giving birth to a planned or an unplanned child can throw us off balance and sometimes it is hard to come to terms with things/events we didn't ask for or were coerced into.
Bullying/Mobbing at work or in school is a very relevant topic. The highest incidence of mobbing takes place in the Health Services and public services. To be mobbed is a devastating and soul destroying experience, but indeed our own circumstances can cause us to be the actual perpetrator.
Our economic climate with multiple company closures is affecting many people and familys in different ways. Things and secure situations that were taken for granted are no longer reliable. Sudden company closure can be extremely traumatic, leaving many unanswered questions and unresolved personal issues. This is not too dissimilar to a grieving process where it takes time and sometimes support to bring matters to a "good" closure. Most employers, especially small companies, deeply regret having to dismiss staff and are themselves not professionally equipped to deal with the multitude of emotions experienced by those who are asked to leave, their own standard of life may fall rapidly, resulting in social exclusion and there may be huge debts to meet. There might be times when there is absolutely no light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
For Counselling please make an appointment at email noreenquinn@proton.me or pm on Facebook
Parental Alienation
Definition of Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a group of behaviours that interfere with a relationship of a child and either parent – either in a strained home environment or in relation to separation or divorce.
These behaviours, whether verbal or non-verbal cause a child to be mentally manipulated or bullied into believing one of the loving parents is the cause of all their problems and that they are an enemy to be feared, hated, disrespected and/or avoided.
Parental Alienation and aggressive possessive parenting deprives children of their right to be loved and showing love by both parents.
Parents are unfortunately often unaware of the impact their behaviour has on their children. Losing a parent to separation or divorce can be compared to the death of a loved one. The child’s life is shattered to pieces and often they go on to look for blame in their own behaviour – as if it was their fault.. Please let me help you and the Children to avoid Trauma
Some information on suicidal thoughts
I would first like to point out that the term “committing suicide is obsolete. Suicide was decriminalized in 1993 in Ireland. Crimes are “committed” so now we only talk about a person suiciding themselves, about attempted and completed suicide.
People with suicidal thoughts are known to send out up to 5 “invitations” to (handpicked) others to talk about the mind-set they are currently enduring. It might be a friend, a family member, a teacher or simply a casual encounter. These signals may be very subtle so we all need to be more sensitive to signals and body language.
It is a myth to believe that “If someone is going to complete suicide they are going to do it and there is nothing you can do about it “ You CAN ask directly if a person is THINKING of suicide – this will not DRIVE them to do it - but will help to get through a dark period until they hopefully agree to consult a “professional” . In fact, many of us HAVE already unknowingly helped to save a life by just listening and “being there”.
You ask “what drives a person to suicide”?
To attribute the cause of suicide to one factor alone is one dimensional and shallow. Each person makes decisions based on an individual set of circumstances unique to them- but the common denominator is that NO OTHER SOLUTION SEEMS POSSIBLE AND THE (emotional) PAIN HAS TO STOP. We know that alcohol and Drug consumption is closely related to suicide; in that drinking alleviates the pain for the duration of intoxication BUT kicks in again with renewed force after sobering. There are some very good organizations available 24/7 like SOSAD , Living Links, Console or Pieta House just to name the ones I know of. All the other helpline services KNOW of these so one can always ring the e.g. Samaritans for addresses and phone numbers
Approx 100 people are affected by ONE suicide, each in a different way - but all are shocked and grieving . Each of these individuals ideally need some sort of "first aid" themselves..
However, If you find yourself in the unfortunate position where someone near to you has actually completed suicide,and you have no- one to turn to- please remember that NO-ONE is to blame. Ever if you overheard/overlooked a “signal” or an “invitation” you are still not responsible for someone else’s actions. Up to 100 people are affected by just one suicide in different ways - and so we may endeavour to console each other and grieve in the manner we see fit.
MORE INFO:- In Ireland the HSE provide a Suicide intervention, prevention and post suicide- attempt Training Courses. The basic course is called SafeTalk (Suicide Alertness For Everyone)and the advanced Course, usually over a full weekend is called ASIST (Acquired Suicide Intervention Skills training) Both courses teach how to recognize “signals” or “invitations” that suicidal people send out and how to respond to them. They also teach how to respond to an acute suicide situation where a person is on the brink of taking his or her own life. We learn that suicide was a crime until the early seventies here in Ireland. That’s the reason for the expression “committed suicide” Since it’s no longer a crime, the term is no longer used. We now talk about “suiciding oneself” We learn that there is still huge stigma attached to suicide – much the same as there was to Cancer- where the word itself is avoided and the act itself kept secret. The Trainers believe that this is not beneficial to anyone with suicidal ideation. When we have a heart condition or Gallstones or a broken leg we don’t mind telling people and we are willing to talk about how we got it and how it developed. When we consider that suicidal thoughts are an expression of pain, depression and hopelessness, we advocate speaking about it in the same way as we would any other illness. There is nothing to be ashamed of and there is no “blame” attached. Over 100 people are assumed to be affected by any one suicide – family, friend’s neighbours and friends of these all are hit and traumatized by the death of any one person. Many suicidal people believe they are totally alone but that is simply not true – people do care, they are sometimes just too busy to notice and are untrained in recognizing the “symptoms”
When a person indicates that he or she is considering suicide as a possible option, we need not be afraid of addressing our concern. On the contrary, it is advised to speak directly and not mince words at this crucial moment in time for the affected person. We are told that using the word suicide actually gives the person we are talking to the feeling that at last someone IS listening. Talking about suicide has never driven anyone to do suicide themselves. I hope this helps - and please pick up the phone to one of the numerous help lines where you will find fully trained suicide intervention, prevention and post- suicide attempt people.